


Is This a Zombie?

by matrixrefugee



Category: Castle
Genre: Gen, Talk of murder, and there may be a Doctor Who reference that wandered in), drug use and medical stuff (also my Law & Order "ripped from the headlines" roots may be showing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 15:51:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matrixrefugee/pseuds/matrixrefugee
Summary: A suspect in the precinct lock-up acts way more strangely than Lainie can figure out. Castle has some ideas why.





	Is This a Zombie?

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** Talk of murder, drug use and medical stuff (also my Law & Order "ripped from the headlines" roots may be showing, and there may be a Doctor Who reference that wandered in)  
>  **Prompt:** 096\. Castle -- Kate thought that Rick's zombie theory was just Castle being Castle - until Lanie agreed with him.

The suspect flailed in the chair that Ryan and Esposito had barely managed to tie him onto without getting kicked or scratched or bitten. He roared, tongue lolling out, foaming at the mouth.

"Sure this guy isn't a zombie?" Castle said, standing well back from the one-way window. "He kept trying to bite the boys, so why haven't we got the CDC in to haul him away to a containment center."

"Because we found packets of MDPV-laced compounds in his coat pocket, and we're just waiting for him to come back to earth," Beckett said, though even to her professional eyes, the guy certainly acted like a hunger-crazed zombie.

"Bath salts? Thought they'd made that stuff illegal," Castle replied, eyebrows raised, and a hint of disappointment in his eyes and tone. Clearly he had hoped for a real, undead walker.

"The makers have disclaimered their products to the pit of hell and back: they market it as 'plant food' or 'bonsai fertilizer'," Beckett replied. "They even mark it 'Not for human consumption'."

"Sneaky buggers," Castle said. "But say he was, that would explain the bite marks on the victim's arms and legs."

"Well, we're waiting for Lanie's report on those bite marks and how they match with the suspect's dental records," Beckett said.

"Won't have to wait much longer," Lanie said, coming up behind them with a manila folder. "The suspect's dental records match the bite marks."

"I knew it! The walking dead are among us!" Castle cheered. "Better make sure you secure that drawer in the morgue, or the zombie horde will arise."

"Castle, zip it!" Beckett snapped. "What about the tox screen?"

"Negative for MDPV," Lanie said, flipping through the pages.

"But isn't that one hard to trace?" Beckett asked, skeptically.

"Was, but there's a new test for it," Lanie replied. "Not a smidge. No idea why zombie-boy was carrying the stuff. Castle might be on to something."

"Lanie, stop feeding the animals," Beckett said. "So what's wrong with him?"

"Could be anything: brain parasite, neurotoxin, maybe the rage virus has emerged," Lanie said. "Maybe something experimental that we haven't seen before."

"Brain-swapping gone awry? Nanogenes gone wild? Wait, wouldn't he have a gas mask fused to his face?" Castle gushed.

"Only if the nanogenes met a kid wearing one after John Barrowman lost track of his space junk," Beckett cut in.

"Nanobots, maybe," Lanie said, redirecting the geekery.

"Are you serious, Lanie? You're just encouraging him," Beckett pleaded.

"Nope, dead serious," Lanie replied.

"Get it? Get it?" Castle said, nudging Beckett's elbow. Beckett jabbed him back with that elbow.

"The original zombies were people under the influence of a chemical derived from uncooked blowfish meat," Lanie replied. "And there's a fair number of people with the toxoplasmosis parasite in their brain. Also, the Creuzfeld-Jacob virus causes zombie-like behavior in cows, very well could do the same if it crossed over into humans."

"Oh, I can't not *know* that," Castle said. Clearly, the possible reality looked less cool than the fantasy. "Still, why aren't we calling in the CDC?"

"I'm definitely calling in the Department of Health to take a look at this guy, because I'm drawing a blank here," Lanie said.

"Better get the boomsticks ready," Castle said, his fanboy hope springing back to life. "Otherwise, we're gonna be neck-deep in walkers."

"Yeah, but what I don't get is how a zombie apocalypse would even work," Beckett argued. "Don't they decay after a while? I would think the flesh would fall off the bones pretty quickly, if they didn't freeze or turn into jerky, depending on the climate or the time of year."

"Oh, but the zombie virus acts so fast that you're toast the moment you get bit," Castle argued.

"Wouldn't a virus that acts that fast just kill a person?" Beckett replied.

"Beckett's got a point: viruses that act that fast, like the ebola virus, cripple a person so fast it would make transmission a bit tricky. One reason the researchers have been able to contain it," Lanie said. "But a slower-acting virus, like some super-strain of rabies or the mad cow virus, might be a problem, if it isn't detected soon enough.

"For that matter, the zombie apocalypse model probably came from the Black Plague of the 1300s," Lanie added. "We've certainly recovered from that."

"Yeah, after seven hundred years," Castle noted.

The suspect's thrashing caused his chair to break loose of its bolts and tip it sideways with a crash muffled by the glass. The man went slack against his restraints, unconscious.

"I'm calling for a bus, that shouldn't be happening," Beckett said, reaching for her cellphone.

"Hope you got Disease Control on your speed-dial," Castle murmured.


End file.
